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Function ereg() is deprecated in /var/www/vhosts/pegasus.ouvaton.org/httpdocs/ecrire/inc_texte.php3 on line 1031 Deprecated: Function ereg_replace() is deprecated in /var/www/vhosts/pegasus.ouvaton.org/httpdocs/ecrire/inc_texte.php3 on line 478 Warning: Illegal string offset 'statut' in /var/www/vhosts/pegasus.ouvaton.org/httpdocs/ecrire/inc_db_mysql.php3 on line 26 Deprecated: Function ereg_replace() is deprecated in /var/www/vhosts/pegasus.ouvaton.org/httpdocs/ecrire/inc_version.php3 on line 531 Warning: Illegal string offset 'statut' in /var/www/vhosts/pegasus.ouvaton.org/httpdocs/ecrire/inc_db_mysql.php3 on line 26 Les Voleurs volés La Maison des Bories

Les Voleurs volés

Le samedi 21 juin 2003.

Les Voleurs volés  [1]
conte recueilli par
Jean Fleury


IL y avait une fois, comme on dit toujours une fois, une bonne femme qui aimait bien à faire des rôties et à boire un petit coup. Mais son homme le lui défendait. Un matin que son homme était parti aux clos, la voilà qui se met à faire une rôtie, mais elle avait laissé ouvert le haut de sa porte coupée et sa vache la regardait par-dessus le hàe. C’était du temps que les bêtes parlaient. La bonne femme eut peur que la vache ne la vendît  [2]  ; elle voulut la chasser, mais la bête revenait toujours ; elle lui jeta une hachette à la tête et la tua du coup.
- Qu’est-ce que notre homme va me dire, quand il reviendra, pensa-t-elle, de trouver notre pauvre vache morte ? Il me tuera du coup. J’aime mieux m’en aller au débaoud  [3].

Elle quitta donc sa maison et n’emporta que le volet de la porte. Elle rencontra son homme en chemin.
- Où t’en vas-tu, comme ça ?
- Je m’en vais au débaoud. Des voleurs sont venus chez nous. Ils ont tout détruit, il n’est resté que le haut de la porte, que voilà.
- Eh bien ! ma pauvre femme, puisqu’il ne nous reste rien, allons-nous-en ensemble.

Les voilà aller tous deux de compagnie. Ils arrivèrent à un bois. Quand ils furent dedans, ils étaient lassés et ils s’assirent sous un sapin pour se reposer. Mais tout à coup une troupe de gens arrivent. Le bonhomme et la bonne femme eurent peur ; ils grimpèrent dans le sapin, emportant toujours le volet de la porte, et ils attendirent.

Les gens qui arrivaient étaient des voleurs. Sur leur route ils avaient rencontré la vache que la bonne femme avait tuée, et ils cherchaient un endroit pour la rôtir. Ils s’installèrent justement sous le sapin ; ils coupèrent la vache par morceaux, ils se firent un trépied avec des pierres, allumèrent un feu de bûchettes ; ils avaient un hêtier  [4], ils mirent dessus des tranches de la vache.

L’homme et la femme voyaient tout ça du haut de l’arbre ; mais la femme était bien embarrassée, elle avait grande hâte à pisser. Elle le déclara à son homme.
- Retiens-toi tant que tu pourras, lui dit-il, ils finiront par s’en aller.

Elle se retint donc, mais les hommes ne s’en allaient pas. Au bout d’un moment elle dit à son homme qu’elle n’en pouvait plus et qu’il lui était impossible de se retenir.
- Eh bien ! lâche tout ! lui dit son homme.

Elle ne se le fit pas redire, elle lâcha tout ; cela coula de branche en branche jusque sur le hêtier.

Les voleurs levèrent la tête, mais le feuillage était si épais qu’ils ne virent rien.
- Va toujours, dit le chef à celui qui cuisinait ; c’est le bon Dieu qui nous envoie la sauce.

Une minute après, la femme dit à son homme qu’elle avait mal au ventre.
- Retiens-toi, retiens-toi, lui dit son homme.
- Elle se retint tant qu’elle put, mais elle finit par dire à son homme qu’elle n’y pouvait plus tenir.
- Eh bien ! tant pis, lâche tout ! lui dit son homme.

Elle lâcha tout, et après avoir dégringolé de branche en branche, cela finit par tomber sur le hêtier.
- Va toujours, dit le chef, c’est bon Dieu qui nous envoie de la moutarde.

La bonne femme tenait toujours le volet, mais la force lui manquait pour le retenir.
- Mon homme, dit-elle, mon homme, je n’ai plus de force, je vais laisser tout échapper.
- Eh bien ! lâche tout ! dit le bonhomme, et que le bon Dieu nous aide !

La bonne femme laissa tomber le volet, qui descendit de branche en branche avec grand fracas.

Les voleurs crurent que c’était le tonnerre ; ils se sauvèrent en abandonnant la vache rôtie et leur argent.

Quand ils les voient partis, le bonhomme et la bonne femme descendent et se mettent à manger la vache. Mais pendant qu’ils mangent, les voleurs reviennent sur leurs pas. Les voilà pris. La bonne femme ne perd pas la tête.
- donne-moi ton couteau, dit-elle à son homme, et tire la langue.

Il donna son couteau, qui était tout rouillé, et tira la langue. La femme se mit à la lui gratter.
- Qu’est-ce que vous faites donc là, brave femme ? demanda le chef des voleurs.
- Vous voyez, je gratte la langue de mon homme.
- Pourquoi faire ?
- Pour l’empêcher de mourir. Quand on a été bien gratté comme ça, la mort ne vous peut plus rien.
- Est-ce que vous ne pouvez pas me gratter aussi ?
- Je veux bien. Donnez-moi votre langue.

Il la lui donne. La bonne femme la coupe. Il s’enfuit en hurlant vers ses compagnons.
- Qu’est-ce que tu as ?
- Il veut parler et il ne peut.
- Qu’est-ce que tu as, enfin ?
- Le, le, le, le, le...

Les voleurs s’imaginent que le diable est dans le bois, et ils se sauvent au plus vite sans rien ramasser.

Le bonhomme et la bonne femme ramassent tout ; la somme était assez considérable. Ils s’en servent pour faire réparer leur maison, achètent une nouvelle vache, et, plus tard, quand la bonne femme voulut faire des rôties au descu de son mari, elle eut grand soin de fermer le haut de sa porte.

(Conté à Gréville par Jules Fatôme, âgé de onze ans, qui tenait ce conte de sa mère.)

[1] Un conte lorrain, recueilli par M. Cosquin, et inséré dans la Romania, t ; VI, p. 548, offre plusieurs traits de ressemblance avec celui-ci. Nous renvoyons au savant travail de M. Cosquin pour les références.

[2] Ne la dénonçât.

[3] S’en aller au débaoud, c’est partir en désespéré, abandonner tout ce qu’on peut avoir sans savoir où l’on ira.

[4] Poèle à frire en fonte, tout à fait plate et assez large



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